Why I’m Risking Everything to Be Me

March 14, 2018

Name 3 things you want outta life—your top 3 desires. And no peeking ahead. Yup, I’m talkin’ to YOU. I’m watching your eyeballs so keep’em front and centre. [smile]


Ok, great. Now, answer this one question:

Did toe tingling joy make it on your list?

If it did, AWESOMMMMME!!!!! Cuz that means you’re open to joy, you’re look’n for joy and your intention is to find joy. And that’s SUPER AMAZEBALLS because you can’t receive what you can’t conceive.

But if joy didn’t make your top 3, why do ya think that is?

  • Did other stuff just seem more important? As in, “I gotta eat and I gotta have a place to live and I gotta get a job…and then maybe I’ll think about moving joy to my top 3”? Fair enough.
  • Did you figure if you get your top 3 wants joy’ll just hitch a ride? (If so, you might wanna read this.)
  • Did you drop joy from your top 3 because you got sick and tired of yearning for something you never get? Kinda like joy-wanting fatigue? Yup, I’m familiar with that one, for sure.
  • Did you figure this is as good as it gets? As in, “I’m doing okay. I’m not really UNHAPPY. And there’re people starving in the world so I got nothin’ to complain about”?
  • Or did you figure happiness is just a given? As in, everybody wants to feel happy so why put it on the list?

Truth is, I’ve had every one of those thoughts over the years. But now my list looks like this:

  1. To be happy.

Ya, I know, number 2 and 3 are blank. I kinda tricked ya there because I told you to pick 3. And then I didn’t. [I’m such a stinker!]

The reason happiness is numero uno and the only item on my list is because it’s all that matters to me. Oh geez, how cliche does that sound? But there just ain’t a better way to say it. Because when I feel happy, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.



Cuz all this good stuff shows up and all the pieces of my life seem to fall into place. The self-help crowd calls this law of attraction. I just like to think of it as magic. Cuz it makes me feel all tingly and excited about the mystery of it all.

But every day isn’t cool like that. Sometimes happiness is a no-show. Like it was supposed to meet me for breakfast but it forgot we made a reservation. I used to get really confused by this. How could I feel so good one moment and then—nothing? I mean, happiness was just here! I felt joyful just a second ago. And then it disappeared faster than pee on a snowflake.

And no, I don’t make a habit of peeing in the snow. Cuz that’d be weird. Unless I lived in the Arctic. By myself. Then I’d probably pee in the snow all the time. But maybe not cuz it’d be chilly. 

Anyhoooow, my dog pees in the snow. Frequently. And I’ve seen how fast the snow disappears. So just imagine how quickly one simple snowflake vanishes! Mind boggling fast. Well, happiness’s got the same ability. It can leave my body that fast.

So I began looking for an explanation. Following clues. And what I’m learning about happiness is this: I have to buy a ticket. And it doesn’t accept cash or credit. I can’t buy a ticket with money. Or things. Or by ignoring it. Or by following other people’s advice on how to live my life. Or by doing stuff everyone else thinks I should be doing. Nope.

To be granted a golden ticket to joy, I have to put me and happiness first. It’s kinda like happy’s my date and I have to treat us both really well. Cuz I just ain’t gettin’ a second date until I wise up.

It actually makes sense when you think about it. I mean, would you really wanna date someone who treated him/herself like a shmuck?

Well, happiness has the same kinda standards. It doesn’t hang around when I’m not treating myself kindly. It doesn’t reward me with feeling good when I’m moulding my inside voice like a piece of clay. Or seeking approval from everyone else. Or putting more stock in other peoples’ opinions, beliefs, and judgments than in my own.

It just doesn’t work that way. No, happiness requires much more from me. It demands I pay attention to me and continue waking up to who I really am.

And the risk? Well, it’s not small. At least in my ego’s mind. At times, the risk of being me feels overwhelmingly gargantuan. Like it’d be easier to run naked through the city than to do what’s most honest and real for me in that moment. Sometimes I sweat buckets just contemplating how I’m gonna speak my truth. Or how I’m gonna deal with the potential fallout afterwards.

So why be me? If being ME involves such difficult, nerve-fraying, demanding work, why do it? Why continue discovering, honouring and serving my inner sparkle in the face of such adversity?

Is it worth it?

Here’re my top reasons why. You’ll notice this list is a little longer than than my previous list. [wink]

Finding ME is worth every ounce of risk because:

  • It’s much simpler being one person. Being the same person inside and out means I don’t have to figure out how to be or act.
  • It’s my best shot at being genuine, unique, and interesting. Which sounds far better than being fake, ordinary, and boring.
  • I deserve intimate, loving, peaceful relationships. And as long as I continue serving my ego, this is just a pipe dream.
  • It’s key to unlocking my passions. For passion to flow, it requires a direct line to the real me.
  • Facing obstacles isn’t going to kill me. It just feels that way, sometimes.
  • It’s time to stop hunting for happiness. And start being chased by joy.
  • It’s time to learn my real job. Which is to follow what feels good inside—not to serve other people’s emotional needs.
  • My needs and desires matter, too. Meeting other people’s expectations is not more important than meeting my own.
  • Self-sacrifice is not love. The best gift I can give others is the gift of mySELF.
  • Hiding attracts darkness. Hiding the real me creates the perfect conditions for darkness to move in and take root.
  • Darkness erases hope. When I feel dark, all I see is darkness.
  • I’ve wasted enough time feeling crappy. The second act of my life is absolutely gonna feel better than the first act.
  • Living without joy isn’t living. It’s an empty existence.
  • It’s not enough just to be alive. Cuz that only means I’m still breathing.
  • Suffering sucks. ’Nough said.
  • Nothing matters more than happiness. And this is the best chance I have of experiencing lasting joy.
  • It’s why I’m here. It’s the most important spiritual work I can do.
  • I wanna leave with no regrets. Yup, I wanna check-out with a smile on my face and that ain’t gonna happen if I stay “safe”, closed, and fearful.
  • Being anything/anyone other than ME is a complete waste of time. Cuz being me is what I’ve been searching for my entire life.
  • It’s not too late. I’m not dead yet so there’s still time.
  • I’m meant to feel good. Peaceful. Joyful. Happy. Content. Light. And free. That’s the ticket.
  • I’m worth it. It’s time I wake up to this one. Cuz it's a fact, Jack.
  • No one else is going to do it for me. Ain’t that the truth.

There it is. In a nutshell. Being the stripped down, real, raw me is my only route outta misery. And my only way into light, love, joy, and beauty. So I’m choosing ME. And joy. It’s that simple.

And now it’s time to let you in on a little secret. Remember the list above where you named your top 3 desires? Well, take a closer look at your answers. Now, ask yourself, “why do I want those things.” Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Ok, done?

What you may discover is your answer to each question is actually “because I’d feel happy.” If this isn’t your answer, then take another gander and continue asking yourself why you want that thing. Keep repeating the question until you’ve stripped your reply down to its naked core—until you get to “happy”. Here’s an example of what I mean.

What do I want?
I want to be wealthy.

Why do I want that?
Because I want to be able to quit my job and not worry about paying my bills.

Why do I want that?
Because I want the freedom to do whatever I want...to go wherever I want...and to have whatever I want.

Why do I want that?
Because it would be way better than my current life.

Why do I want that?
Because I’d be free.

Why do I want that?
Because it would be way less stressful.

Why do I want that?
Because I wouldn’t have to worry.

Why do I want that?
Because all my needs would be met.

Why do I want that?
Because I could relax.

Why do I want that?
Because life would be more fun and carefree.

Why do I want that?
Because I’d feel happier.


You see, everything we want is tied to feeling good. It’s hardwired into us. So, your 3-item list probably looks just like mine. You want to be happy.

Does that mean we don’t want those other things? No, of course not. We do. I do. And that’s ok. It’s part of being human. It’s just important to realize what’s beneath our seeking—what’s driving our wants.

We want those things because of how we believe they'll make us feel. We want them because we have an innate desire for one thing and one thing only. JOY.

But remember, we can’t hold joy in our hands for long simply by attaining one of our desires. At least that’s been my experience. It’s staying the course, unclogging my filters, taking it one day at a time, and bravely allowing my real self to emerge.

For me, the rewards are worth the risks. How ‘bout you?

Well, my sweet gorgeous beings, it’s time for me to depart. Thanks for taking time outta your day to spend with me. It warms my heart. But more than that, I’m just over-the-moon excited for you.

Because being curious about your own inner sparkle is the entryway to all that matters. It just is. Cuz nothing is more important than YOU being YOU. Nothing.

Oodles and oodles of love.

Sparkle Brightly—

Disclaimer: This is a personal blog and I’m not a mental health professional. Obviously. I can’t possibly know your full situation so please consult a professional before acting upon information from yourpurpleswan.com. Should you decide to act of your own accord, you do so at your own risk. Kinda like skydiving.

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